According to my latest coffee shop read of a trending style column, we’ve all become fluent in the language of “corporate coffee” — from Dunkaccinos™ to Caffe Vanilla Frapuccinos™ — we are able to ask for our special java jolt by brand name. The ‘Spro probe also spilled the beans that independent coffee bars across America have developed “private vocabularies” to “describe the intricate beverages they brew and the idiosyncrasies of those who order them.”
Seattle24x7 scooped the area baristas with a little finely-filtered investigative work and unmasked the lexicon being spilled in and around the region’s high-temp, high-tech watering holes:
“NET STREAMER” RealNetworks premium blend, trial cookie offered (may be hard to remove.)
“STEAMED BALLMER” An extra hot and sweaty, steamed doubleshot, overcaffeinated.
“FISH SPLASH” Big Fish Games Americano stoked with large ice cubes, joy stick stirrer.
“THE FARMVILLE” Take cream off the top, add farm-fresh milk. Zynga special order.
“STEAM VALVE IT” Clean machine with Big Steam Burst Visible from across the room.
“KINDLE PRIMED” Deliver to customer watching video stream on Tablet.
“KINDLE FIRED” Barrista burnt roast while downloading new Apps.
“NINE-BY-BLUE” Triple shot of brew, cubed with three raw sugars, for all-night analytics number-crunching.
“DOCUSIGNED” Name on cup indicates order ready and secure.
“ATTACHMATE” Scone attached to cup handle.
“POPCAP ” Lid will not fit on cup.
“IV DRIP” Coffee with nothing else added. Intellectual Ventures approved.
“REDFIN” $5 Dollar Tip Based on Real Estate Split-Commission with Zillow.
“ZILLOW” Real estate customer whose tips are notoriously low.
“AMAZON 1-CLICK” Easy Pay, No Waiting. (Drink based on what others around you have ordered.)
“COINSTAR” Customer holding up line without Bump Phone, Cash or Card.
“T-MOBILE” Not coffee, but Chai Tea, order through the Drive-Thru. [24×7]
