More Letters!
Late for the Party
And This Too Shall Pass?
Love the Man in the Uniform
A Morning in the Life
Give This Man a Flamethrower
Being "Sticky" Is Not Enough
Don't Me.Com
Under the Volcanoes
The Cyberslouch
e-Slacking
Stock-Suck

Friends often marvel at how I can clock 12-hour days at an Internet company and still do things like hunt down real estate east of the Cascades. The answer is: I Fake It.
     The proven professional advice that follows will not work in a five-person startup, where everybody really DOES matter. But midsize and larger Internet companies are like a tug-of-war with 500 people on each side -- who's going to notice if you don't pull your weight every second?
      The following tips also assume your company: (1) doesn't want to devote cycles and storage to tracking your Web activity; or (2) save copies of everyone's e-mail.

At Your Desk
1. Keep a notepad beside your keyboard with illegible notes and some big numbers sprinkled in. Instead of doodling or writing out new ways to spell your lover's name, get into the habit of sketching a "server configuration" -- cylinders with lots of lines running between them in innovative ways.
2. Line up a bunch of empty Diet Coke cans, even if you don't drink Diet Coke.
3. If you have the will power, a half-eaten slice of pizza is very convincing. You could use the same slice 2 or 3 days in a row; just remember not to bite into it.
4. Open up recent copies of tech-industry magazines like Industry Standard or Red Herring or Internet World. Highlight a few paragraphs.
5. Keep your credit card out of sight. Everyone knows there is only one reason for having your card out -- you're buying something for yours truly.
6. Body language is very important when making personal calls. Do not turn toward the wall, do not put your hand over the receiver and do NOT whisper in kissy tones. Remember the line from the old perfume commercial, "If you want someone's attention... whisper"? You'll definitely have your cube mates' full attention. Sosit up, face forward, speak normally. Pretending to take notes is a nice touch (see #1).

--Anonymous.